The First of April: A Tale of the Weasley Twins
by Pigolion
Summary: The first of April has been a day long revered by staff and students alike, with Fred and George's annual birthday pranks causing general mischief at best and near-fatal trauma at worst. This year, Minerva McGonagall, Argus Filch, and unfortunate roommate Kenneth Towler are determined to put a stop to the tradition, come hell or high water.


The first of April, while already a hot date for troublemakers and general mischief, was even more revered the fateful day a certain pair of redheaded twins first made their journey to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The boys were in their fifth year now, but the pranks the twins performed to celebrate their day of birth were the stuff of legend within the castle walls, and would remain so long after they had left. Of course, having a mass murderer on the run and possibly right outside the castle walls created a somewhat dangerous environment for Fred and George's general shenanigans, if not a fatal one for these particular pranks, which is perhaps why Professor McGonagall called the boys into her office on March 31st in an attempt to talk some sense into the duo. Even before they took their seats, McGonagall surveyed their eerily matching grins and felt, with little despair, that the entire ordeal was most likely hopeless.

As she listed the reasons they should consider their next actions and take in mind the wellbeing of their peers and professors, their grins gradually grew wider.

"Of course we would never do anything to prank anyone," Fred said, doing nothing to placate her already frazzled nerves.

"Honest, professor." George offered next.

McGonagall resisted the urge to pound her head against her desk, settling instead on giving out a long sigh and fixing the boys with a steely if exhausted glare. "I'm not going to lecture you anymore." she finally relented. "But know this, I will not hesitate to punish you both most severely if I hear even a whisper of trouble from either of you tomorrow."

Though the twins were generally talented at keeping a cool poker face under suspicion, McGonagall's death glare could stir fear into the heart of You-Know-Who himself and the boys, despite their best efforts, wilted slightly under her gaze. With the satisfaction that they had at least been warned, the Professor graciously excused them from her office.

The early morning of April 1st was surprisingly dull, though Fred and George awoke to an almost empty dormitory. Their roomates, Lee Jordan excluded, knew better to wait around for Fred and George's annual birthday celebration to take place and had all evacuated the premises long before the twins had awoken. Lee Jordan, on the other hand, was anxious yet excited to see what the day would bring. The Weasley twins usually included Lee Jordan in their pranks, but planning for their birthday was usually a little bit more personal and Lee was understandably excluded.

The Great Hall was similarly empty, many students skipped breakfast altogether rather than risking indigestion, poisoning, and general unpleasantness that came from any meals that day. Several suspicious eyes were on Fred and George as they trekked to their seats at the Gryffindor table. Even after they began eating, conversation was few and untrustful glances were frequently thrown their way.

The morning classes were generally uneventful, unless one counted Flitwick toppling from his perch with a frightened squeak when George had a particularly loud sneeze, or Trelawney suddenly making a rather unkind prediction that little boys born in two's who tricked their teachers would meet a sticky fate.

After lunch, Hagrid discovered that he had misplaced his bucket of flobberworms, and during the hasty search Fred and George had been pulled into Filch's office and demanded to turn out their pockets in case they had nicked the flobberworms for a role in their eventual misdeeds. Filch's scrutinous search had proved pointless, however, and the missing flobberworms were eventually discovered to have been misplaced in Hagrid's considerable pumpkin patch. By that point, however, Professor Hagrid was such a wreck that the students were sent back to the castle half an hour early while Minerva consoled the sobbing half-giant.

By evening, the tension in the air was so thick it could have been cut with a Diffindo charm. Students began to literally leap into the air as if bitten if Fred and George sat near them in the library. Madam Pince hovered over them as they did their homework, threatening punishments for things like 'breathing too loud' or 'disrespecting the atmosphere'. They finally left the library when Hannah Abbott, a third year hufflepuff, had a nervous breakdown, flailing about and screaming that she wished they would "Just do it already and get it over with!" Her classmates helped escort her to the Hospital Wing and Fred and George took the hint of numerous glares being thrown their way and quickly exited as well.

As they walked back to their common room, Professor McGonagall intercepted them in one last ditch effort to prevent chaos.

"Boys," she began solemnly. "It's no mystery what I'm here for. I'm not going to threaten you, I just hope you truly, truly consider your actions. Even if you attempt any mischief tonight, numerous teachers have volunteered to patrol the corridors to catch any troublemakers in the act, and needless to say Professor Snape is particularly eager to distribute a punishment, along with Argus Filch. Whatever they decide is an appropriate punishment, I must say I will be inclined to agree. Do you understand?"

Fred and George both nodded gravely, and McGonagall felt a small burst of joy as she wondered if she had finally gotten through to them.

Kenneth Towler lay in bed, too terrified to close his eyes. He had been on edge all day, hyper-aware of the exact date and the consequences it wrought. He had satisfied himself with avoiding Fred and George as much as he could throughout the day, even claiming to be ill in Charms in case they tried something, but now, he was finally forced to be in the room he hated the most on this fateful day- their shared dormitory.

A figure in another bed gave a small snort in their sleep and Kenneth shot up in bed, heart pounding in his chest. He watched the twins carefully, but they didn't so much as stir, so after a few more minutes of watchful gaze, he slowly sank back into bed.

Kenneth had been sharing a dormitory with the Weasley twins for five years, five years in which he had been subject to pranks that had been enough to drive the sanest man raving mad. Some lost souls, as Lee Jordan, took their mischief in stride or laughed it off, but Kenneth was not one of them. He had become slightly more accustomed to their regularly scheduled capers, but April first was always a force of chaos that he was unprepared for. Nothing had happened all day, and Kenneth had almost begun to think that maybe, just maybe the twins had grown out of their childish tradition, but visions of their previous birthdays had begun to plague him and he was forced to renew his weary watch of boys.

Finally, around two in the morning, Kenneth had fallen into a fitful sleep, dreams filled with two red-haired monsters that chased him relentlessly, exploding firecrackers right outside his dormitory and slipping bulbadox powder in his pajamas, when he awoke to something tugging at his feet. Kenneth leapt a foot, landed uncomfortably at the head of his bed, and screamed.

Lee Jordan awoke with a start to what sounded kind of like a very terrified, high-pitched banshee. He turned to see Kenneth, tangled in his bedsheets on the floor, scrabbling under his bed, screaming and howling for the red-headed monsters to leave him alone. With a glance at the beds of the 'red-headed monsters' Kenneth confirmed that they were a), nowhere near Kenneth, and b), looking just as confused as he was. When Kenneth finally calmed down enough to see what was actually tugging at his feet in the dead of the night, he felt a burst of shame when he recognized the small form of a house elf, cowering to the ground in fear, stammering out apologies as it backed out of the room. "Very sorry, sir, I just wanted to clear the messes off your blanket sir, didn't mean to startle you sir…" he babbled, before turning on his heel apparating away. Kenneth pressed his damp face and attempted to calm his nerves.

"Alright there, mate?" Fred called, from the comfort of his own bed. Fred later recalled that if looks could kill, he would be dead a hundred times over that night just from Kenneth's piercing, ice cold glare.

"I'm going downstairs." Kenneth finally announced gathering his pillow, blanket, and remaining shreds of dignity as he made the trek to the common room, the remaining occupants of the room watching him go with some confusion.

"Wonder what his problem is." commented Fred, before rolling over and going back to sleep.

When Kenneth opened his eyes at precisely 7 am on April 2nd, he was briefly overcome with joy at the fact that he was still alive. After a quick examination of his person, he was pleased to note that he was also generally unharmed.

His good mood affected the rest of the Hogwarts population, and the atmosphere in the Great Hall was much more pleasant than it had been the previous day with everyone glad, and somewhat disappointed that April first had been so uneventful. So high was their hubris that nobody noticed that Fred and George didn't seem to have an appetite that day, their golden plates remaining sparkly clean.

The food was just starting to be magically cleared away when it happened. A sixth year at the Slytherin table gave a shriek of fear as tentacles began erupting from his face. Nobody had time to reflect on this strange event before every person in the Great Hall, excluding two, suddenly sprouted wings, talons, tentacles, boils, feathers, and any other manner of unnatural appendages. By some unlucky 'accident', Kenneth Towler had been affected the most, sprouting all four at once as he dissolved into hysterics.

Argus Filch, bearing himself a fine collection of feathers on his face and arms, fought his way through the crowd to reach the instigators, but he was unable to fight his way through the chaos as Neville Longbottom in a burst of nervous energy, released an exhale of fire. Screams erupted as others discovered their similar abilities, and Fred and George took the opportunity to make a hasty exit.

Later on in the day, one could find the boys crouched in a secret passage, crying tears of laughter, as they deemed this first test of 'Weasley's Wizard Wheezes' on the general Hogwarts population a complete success.

"Did you see their faces?" asked Fred, wiping tears from his eyes. "Thank god we decided to wait until the second of April this time."


End file.
